Arts & Entertainment Television Cruise control
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 Hold onto your sofas. The Tom and Oprah show is back again, writes David Knox. It’s hard not to see these two - count them, two - specials as pop culture propaganda: a TV mutual admiration society. Oprah is awestruck by, or possibly jealous of, Tom’s fairytale homestead in Telluride, Colorado. Surrounded by snowcapped mountains, open countryside and picture-postcard forests, she even says, “I wish for you the peace this mountain can bring.” She neglected to consult the mountain. Tom and Kate escort her through a Home Beautiful homestead (they hold hands a lot) until Kate makes a discreet exit to allow Tom the spotlight. Funny that. Now the Big O sits on Tom’s couch. Watching these megastars bask in such affluence, dropping words like ‘loyalty’, ‘truth’, ‘honesty’, ‘the world’ and ‘mankind’ borders on the offensive. Naturally, they can’t resist talking about that moment back in 2005. Tom defends himself by claiming he was carried away with emotion for Kate at the time. “I just felt that way,” he says. “It just took on, like, a whole other thing.” He also concedes criticism of Brooke Shields during a Matt Lauer interview was erroneous. “What I regret is it came out wrong. I regret discussing it.” Of psychiatry he now believes, “It’s an individual’s right to make a decision. I felt pressed. Looking at it afterwards I could have handled it better. I shot the messenger.” Together with criticism of his views on Scientology (all of which translated into lousy box office and being dumped by Paramount), he now stays silent on the subject. And as for those constant rumours, Cruise simply says: “That’s laughable to me; I don’t know what to say. There’s certain things that you go, ‘oh come on.’” Opie probably knows how he feels. But there’s a chink in his armour when Oprah asks about how often his kids see Nicole Kidman. Momentarily thrown, he quickly gives a pat reply: “We share custody. Whenever.” Again, Oprah lets it pass. Where’s Louis Theroux when we need him?
I recall the days when Oprah competed with Donahue, who debated real issues for mainstream Americans. These days she simply does makeovers and celebrity shows. In her second hour, Cruise is feted by screaming women in the Harpo studios, who are all rewarded with a DVD anthology box set. Everyone, including Tom, goes home happy. Meanwhile poverty, education and injustice go begging on daytime TV. TV GuideFRIDAY 8[Seven/9:50pm] Beijing 2008: Opening Ceremony. We’ve been teased by YouTube, but here’s the real deal, which I suspect will be matched only by Moscow’s benchmark in 1980. Count the times Bruce McAvaney gets excited; he’s positively infectious. The swimming, diving (go Matthew Mitcham!) and gymnastics are on Seven, the beach volleyball and women’s footy are on SBS. If for some inexplicable reason tonight’s event doesn’t appeal, the brilliant Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is on SBS and TEN has Angela Bishop interviewing George Lucas. Crazy. SATURDAY 9 [Nine/1:30pm] Movie: Splendor in the Grass (US 1961). Well, the rest of the week is slim pickings, obviously, so it’s a chance to acknowledge some great old flicks that are buried in the schedule. Nine always has Hollywood classics on Saturday arvos, including this one with Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty. Tomorrow night the ABC has I Am A Camera (US 1955), which inspired Cabaret, and the classic sci-fi The Thing From Another World (US 1951) in the wee hours of Wednesday morn. SUNDAY 10 [ABC/7:30pm] Doctor Who. Tonight’s ep introduces the Doc’s daughter (played by the daughter of Peter Davison, Doc # 5) and Skins fans will be pleased to see Joseph Dempsie, sadly killed off as Chris two weeks ago. [ABC/8:30pm] Perfect Day: Wedding. We’ve all played guest at weddings that bored us stupid, and sitting through this ’20-something’ ensemble was a bit the same. Everyone is pretty unlikeable, unable to sustain any form of balanced relationship. It improves as it goes along, but I’m not so keen to return for the prequel and sequel in the next two weeks. [MovieExtra/9:30pm] The L Word. A series that is holding up well in its fourth season, though this week’s ep is not one of the strongest. But allow me to tell you, Marlee Maitlin is doing a gorgeous job hitting on Jennifer Beals. A beautiful performance needing no words. MONDAY 11 [TEN/8:30pm] Burn Notice. Sharon Gless is completely wasted in this series, doing little more than ringing up Michael to berate him. At least in Queer as Folk and Cagney & Lacey she had storylines. It’s really only the charismatic Jeffrey Donovan who (barely) makes this worth considering. Battlestar’s Tricia Helfer makes a cameo in a role that will hopefully expand in coming weeks. WEDNESDAY 13 [Nine/12:30am Thu] Twins. Premiere. Max Mutchnick & David Kohan (Will & Grace) devised this short-lived sitcom with Melanie Griffiths as the mother of two twin daughters who are polar opposites, running the family business: lingerie. ‘Nuff said. THURSDAY 14 [TEN HD/8:30pm] Smallville. Final. This is Michael Rosenbaum (Lex Luthor) and Kristin Kreuk’s (Lana Lang) last appearances as series regulars. Lex finally learns of Clark’s true identity –he was obviously dazzled by his pretty face for seven seasons. An emotional, high-stakes finale for this most vanilla of super-series. www.tvtonight.com.au
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