 I’m beginning to suspect there are two types of people
when it comes to fashion: those who look hot in Dolce & Gabbana
and those who shine in opp shop and Target.
There are certain items in my wardrobe I know will elicit
a comment from colleagues and friends each time I wear them.
The sure-fire
hits:
-
A pair of Jeans West jeans got for $25 on special from
Bridge Road;
-
A T-shirt my sister gave me for Christmas, Target, about
$11;
-
A pair of Adidas Superstars from St Mark’s Opp Shop in Smith
Street, $5;
-
A lavender shirt bought at a supermarket in Japan for
roughly $20.
I put it down to body shape. Until designers use
well-upholstered, shortish, large-headed mannequins as their cutting forms, I stand no chance.
The truth is I look terrible in anything over $50; and the financial and psychological perils of trying to squeeze a My Name is Earl body into a Dante’s Cove garment increase exponentially.
This is how:
You begin, by thinking that you need a new look. You buy a Diesel T-shirt for
$80 and take it home, shaking with excitement. Once on, you realise you look
more like Kris Kringle than Chris Evans.
What happened? Well, you mustn’t have spent enough. Back to Little
Collins/Chapel Street, where you stroll determinedly into SABA for a T-shirt, pants and a belt. Cost: $millions of.
Back home, you look even more frightful – you bought GREY TROUSERS? And guess what?
You feel worse, because now you’ve spent so much you can’t go out for a
fortnight.
It must be the label. Not upmarket enough. It's them, not you. So you
take a deep breath and enter Armani, where you can’t even afford a pair of socks. But you are no longer in control, so out comes The Credit
Card You Never Use. You have an out of body experience as you collect your purchases. Outside, further up the hill: Gucci and Chanel. It would only take a few little steps, and...
No more. I’ve learnt my lesson. I don’t want to become another
credit casualty; I now accept I look my best in a Target T-shirt, a pair
of second-hand sneakers and $25 jeans. It’s taken me 20 years, but
finally I can say it – I don’t give a fuck, Mr Armani. I’m lo-rent.
Poly-cotton.
Generic
decal.
Made in China.
See you at Target!
 |
Show/Hide comments
Show/Hide comment form
