What’s the deal with casual sex, asks Ryan Perdio?
When it comes to casual sex, is the encounter meant to be all action with no emotion? Is intimacy expected to be mutually exclusive from the sexual act? Are the two never meant to go hand-in-hand?
The reason I ask has to do with my recent encounter with a 6’3” air force hunk.
Believe it or not, as much as I’ve acted like my column’s namesake in the past, I’ve never been one to meet potentials purely for the purpose of a shag. Sure, I’ve had casual trysts; but these have often been spontaneous occurrences, mostly fuelled by alcohol. So when the chance for some random shenanigans came up, especially with the tall and fair fly boy, I decided to take the plunge. It was an experience that proved interesting, to say the least.
Despite the numerous messages and phone calls already exchanged, I was adamant about meeting in person before the deed was done under the sheets.
The initial encounter began at a quirky alternative pub 30 minutes away from where we both live, a public and neutral place where words can be heard and faces seen in the light. I guess he sensed my apprehension, since one of the first things he asked when we shook hands was, “Ready to run away yet?”
Self-deprecating humour wasn’t the only box ticked that evening. The Top Gun spunk looked every bit as cute as his photos did. What’s more, he could carry a conversation. Brain and brawn. It wasn’t long until we were doing a beeline back to his.
Once there, a bit of liquid persuasion led to spit-swapping and clothes coming undone. It was unusual for a guy to be so big but to be so gingerly sensitive at the same time. He moved slowly, deliberately. At some point, amidst the sweat and limbs hanging in the air, our eyes met, and I felt his steely gaze bore into me more than any part of him had done.
It was unsettling, as if he was looking for some form of connection beyond our already acrobatically-twisted bodies.
Not long after, the whole deed was done. It had been far from the mind-blowing sex I was expecting but it was... nice.
Scratch that. It was fucking sensual. I found it surprising to feel such intimacy from somewhere unanticipated. Strange, but not in the unpleasant kind of way.
Uncharacteristically, I made my excuse to leave. No afterglow cuddling, no sleeping over. It was goodbye, see you later, and straight into the car.
I wonder if how I reacted was some kind of subconscious knee-jerk reaction to what I’d just unexpectedly experienced. Was I unwittingly affirming my own preconceptions of what a random hook-up should be? Did I really try escaping before things got too close?
As I drove into the night, back to the comfort of my own bed, I couldn’t help but think that perhaps there might actually be more to this whole thing than I previously thought. Casually or not.
I think I've read enough on this subject to last me a lifetime, but then I am 63. But do the new boys and girls on the scene want any more of this type of article. Perhaps something a bit more thoughtful might be due?
... written by Daniel Blackburn , 23 June, 2008
It all comes down to one thing: men have commitment issues whether or not they will admit to it or not but think about the next time to do the bolt after a quick shag, stay a little longer for that cuddle or sleep over, you may surprise yourself and like it, you do have to give the poor guy a chance and give yourself a chance. Love is not so scary you just need to let it in first.
What’s the deal with casual sex, asks Ryan Perdio?
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