 A recent study in the United Kingdom has found that one of the greatest fears among Year 5 female students is being called a lesbian. The study was conducted at a single-sex primary school, where, according to the students, they say they act more ‘girly’ to create the impression of heterosexuality. The study found that the girls were even adopting ‘hyper-feminine’ behaviours to avoid the lesbian label.Now, there are several alarming aspects about the study’s findings, one being that ten year olds feel the need to act ‘hyper-feminine’ to be accepted; two being that the only thing worse than being called a lesbian is being called fat; and three that feminism has failed us so badly. But this is all so obvious. Let’s talk about something we never do – the non-stereotypical queer. Aren’t we all sick of hearing about the tomboy and the sissy? Those tired stories of the lesbian whose talent for kicking a football sabotaged any female friendships, or the lisping baby queen who spent every afternoon plotting how he could make it home in one piece. We know the stories – most of us were the stories. I was called butch before I even knew what it meant. Join the girls footy team, get some speech therapy and let’s for once in our lives consider someone else like the straight acting queer kid, for example. What’s their story? Among my friends, the most feminine women I know are all lesbians. They cannot kick a football, they like shopping and make-up and dresses. They are, of course, more complex than this – well, some of them are – but for our purpose here let’s keep it simple. They were never teased about being a lesbian until they outed themselves. They have never been heckled in the streets. But how confusing must life have been for them? These women defy the mold, they just don’t make sense. When I came out the response was the opposite of surprise; but for these women it wasn’t so much surprise as disbelief. ‘Are you sure?’ was the question put to them whereas ‘Are you an idiot?’ was the response to me and my question, ‘But how did you know?’ For all these women, no amount of time living as a lesbian makes them any more convincing either. Twenty years after their teen outings they are still asked, ‘Are you sure?’ For the straight acting men I know it’s the same story. Even the term ‘straight-acting’ assumes their masculine character is a facade to fit in, because surely the gay male default setting is camp? I have heard the straight-acting male judged harshly by his own. ‘He wants to be one of the boys,’ ‘He gets off on straight women finding him attractive,’ they say. His overt masculinity automatically makes him suspicious. To be honest, I have witnessed the transformation of some gay men in certain situations: the camper the company the camper they become, the straighter the group the straighter the act. But for many it seems that no act is involved. It’s hard to believe, but some gay men could always pronounce the letter ‘s’ clearly. Maybe the straight-acting among us have an easier time in the general world, but maybe it’s not so easy for them in our little paranoid corner. ‘Why are you so hard to read?’ we think and in our darker moments do we also wonder, ‘Are you sure?’ I envy the non-stereotypical queer. I wish I could have been less obvious as a child instead of looking like a lesbian-separatist at the age of six. It would have been nice to keep them guessing… at least until I was in Year 5.
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