Photo: Clockwise from top: Scott Brennan, Colleen Charles as Fanny-May Cracker, Benn Bennett and Wes Snelling.

Now in its 22nd year, and featuring some 300 shows, and over 2,000 individuals performing at more than 270 venues, the Comedy Festival is truly an entertainment exercise on a mammoth scale. Naturally, there are numerous gay and lesbian comedians included among the festival’s program, some of whom we’ve caught up with for this week’s issue of MCV.

WES SNELLING
Together with Benn Bennett, acclaimed cabaret artist Wes Snelling return with a new season of Black Bag, a character-driven musical comedy exploring the curious world of two strange Frankfurt-born siblings. Combining original songs with reworked classics by Martika, Michael Jackson and Men At Work, Black Bag was a sell-out success at the 2007 Melbourne Fringe Festival, and is on at 45 Downstairs for the duration of the Comedy Festival.

When did you first realise you were funny, Wes?
I was 12.3 years old. I had put together a serious dramatic dance rendition of Michael Jackson’s ‘Black or White’ to perform in the lounge room after an AFL Grand Final. I had a bandana tied around my head and happy pants on. I thought I’d choreographed a touching piece about racism, but my family died laughing. I think I knew then that I was a little odd, and comedy was probably the most appropriate forum for me.     

Are you a ‘gay comedian’, or a comedian who just happens to be gay?
I’m not a comedian. How random. I apologise if the fact that I’m doing a comedy festival show tagged as ‘hilarious’ by The Age confused the situation. Oh, and I’m not gay! How awkward. I’m sorry if the cock hanging out of my mouth gave you that impression. 

In answer to your question, however, I consider myself a comedian who happens to be gay. The content of the work I do is never really about being gay, although the fact that I’m gay definitely affects the characters I create and material that I write. 

I think above all else, being gay taught me to listen, observe and react to the world in a way that I couldn’t have if I was straight. 

If  I was straight, I probably wouldn’t have a gay accent, which means I probably would have spoken more as a child and voiced my opinions, and probably taken the world a bit more seriously. Instead I was shy and quiet and scared for 17 years, and so what comes of fear and silence is generally awkwardness, which then leads to saying the wrong thing at the right time, which in turn leads to humour, which then can lead to being a comedian, who is gay.

Tell us about your new show?
No.

Ok, if you insist! It’s a comic theatrical story about two 20-something siblings who grew up in Frankfurt without parents. They spend most of their time role-playing, much like eight-year-olds, to the likes of Martika and Justin Timberlake, because they know no other way of living. 

I’m doing the show with Benn Bennett, who is a genius! He plays Maximillian, the older of the two, and so bosses my character Dominica around and forces him to act out absurd and wonderful acts. On the day of his birthday, it all gets a bit too much for Dominica, so he leaves, and winds up in Hobart performing at open mic nights. It’s a bit of a Wizard of Oz tale about the journey of a dreamer. Except that Frankfurt is Kansas, Hobart is Oz, and La Toya Jackson is the Wicked Witch of the West. The show is music and comedy and quite touching in moments, kind of like the Golden Girls meets Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Is there a comedian performing at the festival you particularly admire, or would particularly like to drag into bed?
I love Fiona O’Loughlin and would love to be in bed with her, but only to watch Beaches. I wouldn’t mind dragging Ross Noble into bed, but once again, probably only to watch Beaches. I must admit I tend to be inspired more by local acts. Kate McLennan is a brilliant comedian who has a view on the world that makes me wee a little. Having said that, I wouldn’t tell Irish comedian Des Bishop to stop touching my leg if the opportunity arose. 

SCOTT BRENNAN
Don’t be surprised if, during the festival, you open your bathroom cupboard to find someone reeling off a string of gags about sheep, boxer shorts and the Marquis de Sade. Venues are at a premium, with all manner of shows staged in the unlikeliest surroundings. Melbourne’s Scott Brennan, for instance, is performing with Edwina Lunn in the elevators at Melbourne Town Hall in a short, sharp show called The Lift.

When did you first realise you were funny, Scott?
To be honest I’m still not convinced I am. I think I’m just doing everything I can to never have a ‘real’ job. I recently found all of my old school reports. Every single one – from Prep to Year 12 – said that I was “easily distracted”. I think that’s just ‘teacher talk’ for “a show off and a bit mental”. Also, being the class clown was preferable to being the class poofter. Actually, “easily distracted’ may also be a euphemism for “quite clearly homosexual”…

Are you a ‘gay comedian’, or a comedian who just happens to be gay?
I’m a comedian who just happens to be gay. No, actually I’m a comedian who just happens to love men. No, hang on. I’m a man who loves men who love comedians. No, that’s not right. I’m that guy off the telly who loves cock. Wait. Don’t print that. I’m a comedian who just happens to prefer the company of penises. No, men’s penises. No, just men. I like men. They’re cool. But ‘gay comedian’ is so …gay. Maybe I’m just a comedian. But a gay one. Sorry, what was the question again?

Tell us about your new show?
Barely contained chaos! Twelve minute shows, performed in a lift to ten people at a time. It’s clearly ridiculous. Edwina Lunn and I are performing them. I would describe the shows as ‘stupid fun’. Every show will be different, and they will all be manic, fast paced craziness. We kind of want to leave the audience with their heads spinning by the end. There will be lots of guests, and you’ll never know what’s going to happen next. And did I mention it’s in a lift? Crazy!

Is there a comedian performing at the festival you particularly admire, or would particularly like to drag into bed?
We’ll be having a lot of ‘special guests’ joining us for our shows in the lift. Basically, the only prerequisite for being a ‘special guest’ is that we either have, or want to, root you. That’s why they’re ‘special’. But that’s why we all became comedians. To get roots. Why else would you?

FANNY-MAY CRACKER
Colleen Charles is Fanny-May Cracker, an octogenarian Country and Western star whose long life has been blessed with 12 husbands, many lovers, a lot of surgery and countless hit singles. Y’all are cordially invited to join her at the Knockerville County Fair, which has been relocated, for your convenience, to Abbotsford’s Opium Den on Hoddle Street.

When did you first realise you were going to be the world’s most famous and long-lived Country& Western Star, Ms Cracker?
Well, I’ve been singin’ since I was just a tiny lil’ Fanny, out on the farm. I used to make a stage for myself out of bales of hay and sing to all the cows. When the cows started joinin’ in I knew I had somethin’ special. 

As for the long livin’... Well y’all know I’ll be 82 years old this year, though I might not look it thanks to my 8th and 9th husbands Dr Joe and Dr Ed, so with the billion I got from the sales of my last album (Fanny: Live and Plugged) I bought myself a cryogenic freezin’ machine to sleep in at night. I thought about giving the money to those poor African babies, but then I thought the money would be better spent on keeping me alive so I could continue to make my Christmas Special telemovies and all the babies around the world would watch me on their TVs and experience the joy of Fanny.

Are you a ‘gay comedian’, or a comedian who just happens to be gay? Or are you ‘queer’ in another sense of the word?
Gosh, honey, I don’t really like to be defined. Lovin’ is just one of the things Fanny does best. But, if you really insist on puttin’ me in a box, let’s just say I’ve been there before. Truth is, Fanny is just a sexual bein’ with wants and needs, and I don’t really see any reason to cut out a portion of the population from the Fanny experience.

Tell us about your new show?
It’s called Fanny-May Cracker at the Knockerville County Fair. It was originally going to be in Knockerville, Texas, but seein’ as tickets to the show are only $15 I didn’t think it would be financially viable for y’all to fly there. Instead, I’ve relocated it to the Opium Den on Hoddle St in Abbotsford, for your convenience. You can expect me to take you with me on a magical musical journey down memory lane, to hear about the defining moments in my life, and of course, my hit songs.

Is there a comedian performing at the festival you particularly admire, or would particularly like to drag into bed?
Honey, askin’ a woman who has had 12 husbands, several lovers and a Dalmatian if there’s anyone she’d like to drag into bed is like askin’ Big Bertha if she’d like another twinkie – she don’t see no reason to stop at one and neither do I (and if there are any twinkies on offer I’ll take some of those too). Having said that, Kaye Sera is one of my personal friends and she always puts on a good show.  Sometimes we like to do our hair together and see who can make it the biggest. Oh Lord, it’s amazing the fun that us girls get up to when left to our own devices!

ANTHONY MENCHETTI
Back by popular demand, Gay Conversion School Dropout No.2 takes us behind-the-scenes of what really happened when Anthony’s parents sent him to a Christian gay conversion school to rid him of his homosexuality.
A hilarious look at an organisation that, amongst other absurdities, attempts to cure homosexuality by placing a group of sexually frustrated gay men together in a small room to discuss their sexual fantasies and then insist they remain celibate!

When did you first realise you were funny?
I was going to permanently leave school in Year 11 and I had to be signed out of my classes before I left. I was going around to all my teachers getting signed out of each subject and the last one was theatre arts. I heard the teachers mention my name. I stopped and listened at the door. They said they thought I was funny and that I would be perfect for the school play. I tore up my forms and stayed in school to play the lead role. I’ve loved performing ever since. 

Are you a ‘gay comedian’, or a comedian who just happens to be gay?
I’m a comedian who happens to be gay. I don’t really buy into all that camp stuff. I talk about stuff that happens in my life, and being gay is a huge part of that. I didn’t even mention my sexuality for the first eight years of stand up, but then I found out how much funny stuff I could talk about when I was open about everything. How can you possibly go to places like the Peel and not come out with comedy gold?

Tell us about your new show?
My new show is about being sent to a church that ran a program to turn gay people straight. My parents sent me to it. It was a very funny but full on experience. I ended up having an affair with the team leader, so it didn’t exactly work out. It was a lot like other quit meets such as Alcoholics Anonymous. I have a line in the show about it: “My name is Anthony Menchetti. I’m gay but I’m trying to quit.  Down to one fag a day.  Have one every morning with my coffee.”

This show is about the church’s views on homosexuality and what I went through finding peace between sexuality and spirituality.

Is there a comedian performing at the festival you particularly admire, or would particularly like to drag into bed?
Andrea Powell is always hilarious, as is Fiona O’Loughlin and Frank Woodley.  Comedians I would like to bed. Hmmm...  two comedians having sex? Not sure it would work. It would just be a lot of nervous tension, awkward laughter, flailing limbs and a fight over who gets to be on top. 

The 22^nd Melbourne International Comedy Festival runs from March 19 – April 13. www.comedyfestival.com.au