Let’s blame our federal fathers. A pale and modest Melbourne weighs itself up against the bronzed bulk of Sydney. This habit, rather like the music of Westlife, is both unhealthy and pointless. And, rather like the music of Westlife, seems to never end.

Could we stop? 

So, try not to squirm if I talk to you about waterfront dining in our pale and modest city. 

At Southgate and Crown alone, there are over fifty dining options. Of these, there is only a handful worth considering.

At Southgate, Red Emperor dishes up some of the best Cantonese in the city. The yum cha is stellar. The best, in fact, this side of Box Hill.

Pure South is a modern Australian place with a strong emphasis on local produce, particularly from King Island and Tasmania. It’s the perfect place to bring internationals seeking a taste of our continent.

Further along, the riverside promenade at Crown Casino has come into its own with big name restaurateurs taking up recent residence. All are worth the visit, so let your regional desires guide you. Maurice Terzini’s trattoria Giuseppe, Arnaldo and Sons for fine Italian fare; Guillaume Brahimi’s Bistro Guillaume for high-end homespun French; Neil Perry’s Rockpool for exceptional steak and seafood; and Nobu Matsuhisa’s Nobu for his world famous Peruvian influenced Japanese.

If it’s extraordinary views you seek, venture even further around the water’s edge. There’s now a plethora of choices at Docklands on Victoria Harbour.

Bhoj at Docklands boasts the best views of any Indian restaurant in Melbourne. The city skyline, Victoria Harbour and Bolte Bridge form a stunning dining backdrop. The menu doesn’t veer very far away from the standards, but most dishes are a definitely a notch above your regular suburban fare. The chicken tikka is particularly good, and vegetarian curries sport a complexity that would sate the most committed of carnivores. The wine list has good drops by the glass or bottle, and the Indian beer, Kingfisher, is also available.

In warmer months, the balcony at Livebait boasts the sort of maritime views that demand seafood. Many of the Asian-inspired menu options are probably better suited to summer dining. Offerings from the chargrill, however, such as the Swordfish steak with white bean and chorizo cassoulet, split tomato compote, serrano ham and garlic parsley oil are hearty enough for winter’s chill. The indoor seating also offers a panorama.

Next door, Mecca Bah is ideal for winter. Moorish fabrics, a fireplace and exposed timber afford a warmer feel. There are mains to consider; but choose mezze plates and Turkish pizzas. Go with a group and order a small plate to derive the best value. There is a no booking policy here, but call ahead anyway to weigh up your chances, especially if you plan on bringing a crowd.

Also at Docklands is the Melbourne offshoot of a successful brand with restaurants in Bangkok, London, and Sydney. Kobe Jones’ menu is conceptual Japanese, which translates to ideas like lolly pop sushi, baked dynamite scallops, and Kobe shooters, fresh oysters served in sake with different salsas. Chef Junzo Nagamine executes these fun notions with finesse. A 10% surcharge on weekends is a bit cheeky, given that Melbourne is also home to kicking modern Japanese at Shoya, Yu-u, and Tempura Hajime, albeit without the harbour views.

So: we don’t have iconic bridges, lustrous waves and underwear models to look at while we eat. But what we do have is some very decent views, better food and cuter waiters.

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